Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
