...so i touched it.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
