I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
