regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
