11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
hotel room ftw
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
