the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
