What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
