I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
