Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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