I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It's blow job season.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
