I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
