TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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