this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
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