tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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