he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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