Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
