My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
