i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm sobbing to NWA
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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