omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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