Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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