You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
