I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
