I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
