It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
