tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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