Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
