Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
