She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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