No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
