I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
