Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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