This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
