I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
