remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
