Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
