just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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