I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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