Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
