She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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