Can Purell be used as lube?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
