So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
