Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize
