the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The air was thick with penises
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
