ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
