You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Your cock deserves a montage
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
