My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
