He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
