I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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