I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i've created a new STD.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
