I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
