I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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